Grieving
by Taramisu
Summary: Continuation of “Angel”’s finale (and “BtVS”). Willow breaks the news to the AI team.


Grieving TITLE: Grieving   
DATE: 5/23/01   
AUTHOR: Taramisu   
E-MAIL: taramisu@channelingboards.com   
ARCHIVED: http://www.channelingboards.com/Fanfiction/fiction.html   
SUMMARY: Continuation of "Angel"'s finale (and "BtVS"). Willow breaks the news to the AI team.   
RATING: PG or PG-13 for language.   
SPOILERS: All of it. But, how could anyone not know the big ending by now?   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters...duh! 

"It's Buffy." 

Not a soul uttered a sound. Gunn and Cordelia narrowed their eyes in confusion and contemplation, but they dared not speak. Wesley's gaze dropped to the floor as he removed his glasses. They hung by his side while he waited for the announcement to be made. He knew. He knew just as Angel knew. 

"Oh God." Angel faced toward the heavens, unable to fathom yet what this would mean, not only for himself, and her friends, but for the world as well. Tears ran down his face. He actually tried to hold them back…to be brave. The sound of him falling to his knees echoed through the vast space of the hotel. He knew she wouldn't live much longer. He not only knew this, but actually felt it in his soul since the day he first spoke with her. 

Willow remained in her spot. Comforting Angel was the last thing she wanted to do. Selfish yes, but she had done weeks worth of grieving and consoling already back in Sunnydale. So there she stood, quietly watching as Angel struggled to get over the shock. Seeing his reaction started her crying again, and that was when Wesley hurried to her side. His embrace was warm and welcoming. He held her tight as if to prevent the grief from flowing. Perhaps if he held her tight enough, it would just stop, and this would be some bloody fucking dream. 

Cordelia managed to interpret their actions and quietly and solemnly whispered to Gunn, "She's dead." The words felt so harsh on her tongue. The one girl she had ever known with the strength of spirit and of body to survive and thrive in this hidden world of torture, death and pain…was dead. "She's dead." 

"Yeah, I heard you the first time, Cord." 

"She's dead. She's dead. She's dead…" The young lady's face turned a bright red. Her eyes held a fear she had never felt before…not even in the last few days had she felt so afraid. As much as she had hated the Slayer at one time, and as much as she had truly wished for them to have never crossed paths, Buffy was an anchor to her. A symbol that life goes on…life defeats the odds. When life forces you to choose between two evils, you choose the lesser and throw your head high, exclaiming that you had the strength to live and survive in this world. But now… 

Gunn tried to hold her, but she wouldn't have it. The scantily clad woman, now fully aware of how inappropriate she looked at this time of mourning, ran to Angel's room to change and sit alone. 

Angel collapsed onto the floor and lay motionless. There wasn't a single thought that he could pinpoint to focus on. Statements of grief and guilt and love and pain all swirled in his mind like a kaleidoscope. Then finally, he felt it. What was the point of Shanshu if there was to be no Buffy? What was the God damn point?! He had left her there in Sunnydale to give her a chance at happiness. LEFT HER!! What the hell was he thinking? He had just given up the last two years that he had to be with her. All his actions had done were to make sure that she died empty. 

Whimpers eminated from the lump on the floor. Willow looked over at him, but then immediately regretted it, as the sight her eyes took in, hit her like a ton of bricks, increasing her sadness tenfold. 

"Angel. Angel, please." The Watcher took his leave of Willow to comfort his friend. With one hand on the vampire's back and the other on his forehead, he whispered, "It's okay, Angel. You're not alone in this. We'll figure out a way through this together. I promise." 

At this, the lump of leather slowly looked up, his eyes fiercely red and his face soaked. "Why did I ever leave her, Wesley? Why?" His head dropped back to the floor and the whimpering started again. 

"Gunn, can you please get him some water?" 

"Uh, yeah, sure. You want some too Wes?" 

"Yes, thank you." Gunn brisked passed the two with a worried expression on his face. 

"I swore to protect her. She was everything to me. She…she…she's the reason I made something of myself. How can I go on, knowing she's gone?" His words were barely audible, being muffled by his jacket and interrupted with sniffling and moans. 

To this, Wesley did not have an answer. No one did, and no one could. 

***************************************** 

It took about an hour for the group to regroup. Angel was still on the floor, but he was at least sitting up, sipping the ice water Gunn had busied himself getting. Cordelia and Gunn sat close to Willow while Wesley remained at Angel's side. The Watcher had dipped a handkerchief in the water and was wiping his brow. 

"Well, I get the feeling no one's gonna ask, so I might as well. What happened?" Gunn felt a bit like a family counselor. He remained on the outside of it all, yet cared enough to facilitate the healing for his friends. 

The red head gathered herself for a moment. She was afraid to speak, fearing the tears would just resume and frankly, hadn't she run out of tears by now? 

"She died the way a Slayer should. She was battling a Goddess, preventing yet another apocalypse. We defeated the Goddess, but it had already opened up the portals to the demon dimensions. The only choice was to kill Dawn, or sacrifice herself." She paused for a second. "We all know what her choice was." 

Silence once again filled the great hall. Each person recoiled into themselves, wondering what the future held. 

Eventually, conversation resumed. Willow dispensed some of the details. It felt strange to talk about it with an outside group. She had been surrounded by her clan for months now, stuck in the uncertain life that Glory had made for them. To talk about it with people who understood, but did not experience it was strangely calming. She was free to say what she needed to, rather than walk on egg shells to protect another's delicate psyche. It was as if she were shedding the fear and pain finally. Now if only she could fill that big hole in her heart that Buffy left when she died. 

*************************************** 

"So, Willow," Wesley began, "is there anything we can do for you? Back in Sunnydale, I mean. Perhaps I could help out and keep that demon population down for a bit while you all regroup and have time to grieve." 

The softly spoken offer warmed the witch's heart. Who else had friends who would offer to kill things for her? 

"Thank you so much, Wesley. We may actually need you. But maybe for different reasons." 

A small smile passed his lips. "And what would those be?" 

She took a deep breath, almost unwilling to discuss these lesser matters. Almost as if by talking about less important things, Buffy's death became less important itself. 

Suddenly, Cordelia chimed in. "Hey! Willow. I'll come too, okay? I think we're at a place where we can leave now, aren't we?" She instinctively looked at Angel for confirmation, rather than at her official boss. 

Angel sat cross-legged, staring off into nowhere. It amazed them all when he actually answered. "Yeah, sure. I…" He had to stop for a moment while the urge to cry passed. "I want to visit her grav…" The urge hadn't passed as he had hoped. 

Wesley put his arm around Angel again, then Cordelia joined him from the other side of the leather mess of emotions and tears. After a while, conversation continued. 

"So, what exactly are these other things you have in mind, Willow?" 

"Well, Giles is going through some stuff. He wants to go back to England and resign from the Watcher's Counsel permanently, but he can't as he feels obligated to care for Dawn. We still haven't found Buffy's father, and we don't think he'd be the appropriate guardian for her anyhow given her supernatural-ness." 

"I see." 

"And I'm sure Spike would appreciate some help." As Willow continued, she was completely unaware of the skewed faces before her. "He's sworn to find the new Slayer and bring her to Sunnydale. I guess that's his way of honoring Buffy's memory. By protecting her town." 

The witch finally looked up when she did not hear any responses. "What?" 

Wesley's was the next voice she heard. "This is Spike we're talking about? Blonde hair, leather duster, pointy teeth, bumpy face, also goes by the name of 'William the Bloody'?" 

Willow's mouth turned up into the first smile she'd had since before St. Crispin's Day. "Spike's…a new man. I can't expect you to understand, because it's taken him months. Of course it's also taken a little technology, a dab of miracle and a heaping helping of…well, I hesitate to use the word 'love', but I guess it's true." 

The faces before her were blank as typing paper. 

"Alright. Here's the Reader's Digest version. The government put a microchip in his head so that he couldn't hurt humans any more. He came to us for help because that same government agency was after him and he had no where to go and couldn't even feed. Over time, he fell in love with Buffy and…" 

"WHAT?!" Angel finally broke out of his trance, looking up at the red head in game face. 

She had no idea what to say. 

"Hold on there, Angel. Let's hear what else Willow has to say before we go off the deep end, alright?" Wesley wasn't sure how to calm the vampire either. 

Angel continued to speak in a slow, precise manner. "Willow, I just want to know one thing. Did. He Ever. Touch. Her?" 

"No. She never returned his love. I mean, how could she?" 

The vampire slowly morphed back to his human features, feeling a bit embarrassed at his outburst. 

"But seeing her die really affected him. He cares for Dawn a great deal, and has promised to protect her. I think that's a big part of his desire to find and watch out for the new Slayer." 

"Well, now I've seen everything." Gunn always could find a way to sum up a dozen or so complex emotions with one phrase. 

******************************************************* 

After a few pleasantries, Willow stood. "I really should be getting back. I've been waiting here for you guys for a couple of days." 

Wesley bowed his head in that British way of his. "I sincerely apologize about that. We were unavoidably detained. I do appreciate you waiting here to talk with us." He scooped up Willow into another hug. Cordelia did the same afterward and Gunn shook her hand while uttering standard condolences. 

The witch stepped toward Angel, and he rose for the first time since he found out about his Love's demise. Angel grabbed her arm and pulled her a bit roughly into an embrace. Their tears began anew, but it felt good to know that they weren't alone in this. Buffy's body may have passed out of their world, but her memory and strength live on…in those who loved her. 

End   
  



End file.
